"As long as I fight, I am moved by hope; and if I fight with hope, then I can wait."- Paulo Freire

Dear Friends,

Deepest apologies for the tardiness of my posts as of late. I guess that I am not sure how many of you still check in, so I am reluctant to write as often I suppose. That and I would be remiss if I did not also take the blame of being busy and lazy with my writing! 

With the latest violence that has swept N. Ireland I find myself feeling my heart ache to be back there and to be doing something about it. The problem is, what could I/ would I do? What can anyone do? I suppose that part of me will always remain in Belfast, my heart that is, and I will always be in a constant stream of prayer for those whom I love that have to face this as their only known reality. I struggle with guilt as I sit on the other side of the ocean, in this "peaceful" nation without constant threat of terrorism and violence. I admire the men, women and children that are holding fast to the peaceful times that have no doubt fallen upon N. Ireland in the last few years. My heart is with you, my prayers are always yours. 

I am now in the thick in my Graduate degree here in St. Louis. I feel as though sometimes I am learning so much in such a short amount of time, my head just might explode. But, that is my only complaint. I am finding that my life is leading me in yet another direction. I have been asked to work on a grant this summer that seeks to finds victims and survivors of human trafficking here in the US. Yes, human trafficking is still a very large problem in the US. Shocking and nauseating, but true. Researches of this call it the "new slavery" because of the total and utter disregard of human life. Hopefully I can, with hard work and dedication, make a dent in this problem in MO at least. 

I am hopeful that this finds all of you busy in the thick of life. I very much hope that like with me, this finds you both happy and healthy. 

All the best, 

Melissa 

"The ultimate measure of a person is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience but where they stand in times of challenge."

Dear friends,

I am writing from St. Louis. I made the long drive from Texas with my most willing and patient father! I was so thankful for his support and company! 

Whenever I start a new phase of my life I always appreciate a little time at the beginning of it. That is just what I have had for a few weeks, time. I am so very thankful for it. It has been the first time that I have really sat back and thought. Thought about my incredible year overseas, thought about coming home, and now thinking toward the future in this new place. 

I have always found it really incredible to sometimes just be able to look at something, before it all really begins, and look at its potential. Rarely are we able to predict what is to come in the future, but all of us have the ability to take a real part in our fate. I struggle with this line, where to act and where to remain still and let things just be. Here again I am faced with this challenge. 

What I do know is that here I am, in a new chapter of my life and it is full of possibility. I see such potential in this place. I foresee, change, growth, empowerment, and both smiles and tears. When I was in the process of applying for my year overseas I loved to think about this concept that I am talking about with you tonight. I loved to think about the people that I would meet, the fate of it all. How were we all brought together in this time and place, and more over, how these people and things I would meet and see would change me, shape me forever. Oh that we could wake up everyday and see that light, that potential for greatness in the seemingly mundane. 

In this holiday season as I write to you, only a year ago talking about walking the streets of Belfast, although now my sights when I walk are different, my feeling is the same. With any holiday season, it is easy to look towards that change, look towards that growth to come. New years resolutions, promises made. I hope that I can look with potential not only at this new chapter of my life, but also take some sweet time to be thankful. Thankful for all of those new chapters in my life that have changed me, challenged me, empowered me, and made me into the woman I am today. 

Happy Holidays to you all. May there be peace in your hearts. 

My love, 

Melissa 

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" -Ghandi

Dear Friends and Family-

I am about to move again. Yet again, a vast chance in my life. As I pack up my things and wrap up the loose ends of the work I have done in Texas since returning home, I find myself, as always with mixed feeling about leaving. 

I remember when I left for Belfast, I had a week or so before the big move date that I had cold feet. I remember thinking...what am I doing here? Am I crazy? The answer I have found is yes, but I fit nicely in a crazy world! 

Starting my masters will no doubt be a huge change. I am going to be studying with some of the best minds in the nation, and I feel so honored to say that! I no doubt will have things every day that touch me, scare me, and change me. 

Life is such a continuous game of change. I am excited to make the move, jump in, and try something new. 

I would like to change this site a little and deviate from the original purpose. I will be writing now about things that are happening that I am passionate about. This might take the face of peace issues in the US, things I am learning in class about policy or injustice, or just what I feel compelled to write about. I will use this space to share what I have learned and what I am personally standing up for these days. 

I am as always so very thankful in the harvest season especially for the friends and family that support and love me so much. Blessings be with all of you this holiday season and I'll keep you posted on my next adventure to come! 

All my love,

Melissa 

Some things change and some remain the same...

Well, it has been a long, long while since I have posted anything to this blog and I feel bad because of this fact. I often think of it and I often go back to it and read about my year in Belfast as a quite reflection time for my re-entry process. However, when I go to write a new blog I just think...what I am doing now is not that impressive. How am I going to live up to the hype of last year. Like so many have asked me...how are you going to top Belfast?

When I first received that question upon coming home my initial reaction was, "what a horrible question to ask a 23 year old woman"....what do you mean what am I going to do to top it, I would think, am I supposed to just lie down and die now that I am home?

As you can see this question, as innocent as it might have been offered to me, shook me to my core. The rebellion of the notion that I would come home and do nothing but sit and wish for my past, I think in retrospect, helped me to get where I am today. 

I have been home for over two months now and as I am typing this and reading it back to myself I cannot believe that it has been that long since I came home. In some ways, such as life, time has flown by and in some ways it has crept along. I have two jobs that I love very much, both of which challenging me in ways I have never been challenged before. I work with kids still...every day. I do much the same things that I did in Belfast and I find that my experience in Belfast helps me everyday, without a doubt in my mind. 

Here is the deal. The person that asked me that illusive question a few months ago...and the thing is I can't even remember who said it....did not know that it was going to shake me up. They did not know that it was going to start within me a movement to not lie down, to get up every morning being thankful for the past but ready for today and tomorrow. At first I was disgusted with this concept but today, I thank the person that said that to me. They made me realize that it is not in what we have done yesterday or even what we will do tomorrow that counts, it is what we do today that makes a difference. And today, I will live, love, and laugh. 

Blessings-

Melissa 

Home

Hello all-

Well, I am writing from the other side of the pond as they say. I got safely home on Saturday night. I have been enjoying seeing all of my friends and family since I got home. 

Upon getting home some have been asking if I am going to keep up my blog. I think that I will just do that. I have many things coming up that I may wish to blog about. So, if you are interested in my post-N. Ireland story keep reading on and I will try to write about the process of becoming re-cultured into American life and then I will blog about my move to St. Louis in December. 

Things that I have found really funny coming home so far:

1. The Texas accent. 

2. Just how unbelievably flat it is here.

3. Just how much I have missed my family. 

4. Rosas tastes better than I could have ever hoped =)

5. All of the American Flags out.

6. It is SO HOT, oh my goodness is it hot!

7. Air conditioning. 

8. Cherry Vanilla Dr. Peppers are a wonderful thing I missed from Sonic. 

9. The sun comes out every day here. 

10. People wearing cowboy hats and all of the million pick up trucks. 

11. Country music on every station.

12.  Everyone says Y'all, I am not alone anymore. 

I look forward to catching up with all of y'all soon. 

Love,

Melissa 

"We shall find peace. We shall hear the angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds."

Hello!

I suppose this will be the last reflection and blog that I post while still living in Belfast. First I must say my thank you's. To all of you that have supported me through this year, for all of the letters, prayers, thoughts and comments, thank you. I am blessed and grateful for your involvement in this truly life changing year. I look forward to seeing many of you upon my return and hearing more about your lives and how the journey of a year has changed you. 

I know that I have written about mixed feelings. Mixed feelings about leaving, mixed feelings about staying, mixed feelings in general. Leaving is part of this year. It is, was, and will be what happens in a little over 2 weeks from now to me, mixed feelings about it or not. I realize more strongly than ever now that leaving is one of the most important things that I have to do in this year. Leaving means a lot of things. It means that I have finished my work here. Leaving is hoping that I have made a difference. Leaving is taking the knowledge and the experience back with me to the States and helping others see what it is really like in Belfast. Leaving is saying goodbye to those that I have grown to love. Leaving is looking back and being satisfied. Leaving is the beginning of a new journey, maybe even better than the last. Leaving is, if we are lucky never the end. Never the end of something good, but the beginning of something new, different and equally important. Leaving means that I, a good old west texas girl, made it through one of the most challenging and unbelievably transforming year of my life. 

This week is the first week of the long goodbye. One of my roommates heads off this week and after she leaves, one of us packs our bags and returns to the States every week past that. As I start the long goodbye as well, I am packing things up. The only thing is that I am not packing the usual...socks, toothbrush, and underwear...I am packing love, laughter, memories, knowledge, tools for change, fuel for my life's passion, and most of all I am packing peace. 

Hope to see you all very soon. 

All my love-

Melissa 

As I go...

Hello everyone-

Just wanted to let you know that I have written my final letter to PC(USA). If you would like to read it just go to: 

http://www.pcusa.org/missionconnections/yav.htm

Love and peace to you all. 

Melissa 

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Hello all-

I have had several people ask why I have not posted a blog in a while. Well, there is no easy answer to that I am afraid. Mostly it has to do that my departure date from Belfast is getting closer and closer and I am not quite sure how I feel about it. 

Belfast very quickly felt like home. I have learned that home is a relative term in life. Home is where the heart is some may say and my heart, it's been in Belfast for a long time. 

While Texas will always be my real home, people and places will always make that home to me, Belfast, Canyon, soon to be St. Louis are all homes to me as well. These places are places where you grow, and even better, if you are lucky flourish. 

Though the stresses of living here are sometimes challenging, while some things about living her have never felt easy to me, it has grown on me. I have grown. To come and have an experience like this one and not be affected by it would prove that something was vastly wrong with me. I will miss so much. I will miss the unmistakable beauty of this place. I will miss the friends that I have grown to love. I will miss this time of my life, a time to grow, to flourish. 

So, as complicated as that is, as confusing as this mixed message may sound...that is where I am right now. I walk the line between being happy and sad for both leaving, and coming home. 

Maya Angelou sums it up as she always does with her graceful words: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." 

Peace to all-

Melissa 

Signs of Peace...

Hello to everyone-

I walk to work every morning. On this walk I round the corner of our street and span the length of a massive peace wall. Green metal, 15 feet in the air. Keeping people out? Keeping people in? That is the question. Broken glass litters the streets, words like "Paddy" line the wall. Huge burnt holes creep up on you every once in a while in the sheets of metal where petrol bombs have tried to break the wall, damage the wall, or scare the community living on one, or both sides. I walk the length of that one wall and then turn a corner. This street I am on now is between two peace walls. A flashpoint they might call it here. A place with no one. No owner. Neither Catholic nor Protestant wants this street. It is in the middle of this fight, excluded from one community, while also being excluded from the other. A no man's land of sorts. In between ground? Or just a street that was left out of the cut, thrown to the wolves. 

Some of my co-workers (mainly the ones that have adopted the father role to me whilst being here) don't like for me to walk this way at all. Some just warn to only walk it in the light of day. I feel as safe on that street as I do in any of the other streets in Belfast and so, with a new look on life I set off most mornings, in the light of day, to work. 

This week I noticed one day on my way to work that a field, covered in wild flowers, green rolling hills as far as the eye can see was littered with the trappings of last nights festivities. It was the usual, broken glass, beer cans, stones, bricks, and large 4X4's that had nails on the ends of them. Now, I cannot speculate what really went on there the night before in the cover of darkness, but lets just say that riots are not something that are new to these kids on this block. I walked by and suddenly felt very alone. I felt very sad. Cheated almost. I felt like all of this, this whole experience was a fraud. I felt isolated. I stood between peace walls and thought, why am I here? At work I had a hard time the whole day keeping my head up. I felt like everything that I did was not good enough. I kept seeing those stones, that broken glass in my head. I could not shake that image. The day ended and it was yet again time for me to walk back home for the day. I thought twice about which way to go. Did I want to see that again? Did I want to feel worse? Was that possible? I decided to face my fears and to go home the same way I had gone to work. 

As I got closer to the no man's land I noticed that there was not as much trash on the streets. I noticed the flowers more. The yellow, blue and white buds in the ground. I came to the gates of the park trashed only hours before to find a group of teenagers hard at work. The trash was gone, the beer cans were cleared. The stones, no longer blocking my feet on the path. All of the teenagers were working hard and as I got closer I saw, those pieces of wood that once had been scattered about, used as weapons maybe, were being used in another way. This time the old nails had been stripped and new ones were being used. Together they worked, they were building something. 

The next morning as I started a new day I came by the same spot to find a newly constructed football goal (soccer) and two little girls playing on it. 

I smiled a smile that I will never forget. Closed my eyes and said out loud "Peace". 

I don't know if these kids stumbled upon these pieces of wood and decided to use them for good. I don't know if these kids were the same ones who used them for bad the night and days before. All I know that peace, peace is in everything. It is in the broken glass that has been cleared away. It is in the 4X4's that have been used to build a football goal. Peace. Peace is what I see. 

Peace to you all-

Melissa 

There is nothing like the present moment...

Hello everyone!

I hope that this post finds you all doing well and enjoying this spring time of year. I have enjoyed spring in Scotland and N. Ireland. My fellow YAV's and I just got home from our (sadly) last retreat together in Iona Scotland. It was truly a magical place. The natural beauty of this place was just stunning and the history that seemed to be in every step you would take on the Island was just fascinating. We got to hike and enjoy the beauty of the Island and we got to worship in an Abbey built by St. Columba thousands and thousands of years ago.

Below I have updated my slideshow to include some of the best pictures of the week in Scotland.

Since I last blogged I found out that I was accepted into one of the nations leading schools for social work. Washington University in St. Louis has a wonderful reputation for their Masters program in social work and I was honored to accept their offer and a scholarship they were kind enough to give me. I feel as though God is calling me to go and hone my skills as a social worker so that I can better serve.

As I started this decision process as to what to do after my year overseas I found that God was truly in this continuation of ministry. As I get closer to coming home, I find that I am trying to figure out what is next for me. I have and will continue to struggle every day of my life (and I know I am not alone) with the concept of when to act and when to remain still and wait. This decision to come to N. Ireland was one of the easiest ones of my life it seems. Likewise, this decision to move to St. Louis has been as equally easy. I feel a strong sense of call to social work and in particular finding a way to use the skills I have learned here in N. Ireland and apply them to life in the U.S.

Like the title of my blog says, there is truly nothing like the present moment. While I was in Iona Scotland I found much time to be by myself and I found that time, at the top of hills overlooking the sea, watching sun sets over the ocean, and below a cross that has been there since 600 A.D. to be so spiritually fulfilling. One day I was walking with my friends back to the place we stayed on the Island and we walked by a bench that simply read "Be Still". After finding my favorite places to reflect, read, or just look out at the beauty of the Island, I spent the next day on that bench. I enjoyed the coolness of the breeze that went through the Abbey walls, I enjoyed the birds building their nests upon the walls, I enjoyed the smiles and "hello's" I got from all who passed by. I was truly still. Still in mind, in body and in soul.

As I continue to struggle with this ingrained need to always be doing something, always be busy, achieving, doing...I am reminded that just being still, even if only for a time, is essential. I may always be a planner, I may always need to know what is next on my plate. But, I do see the good in being still, in finding the peace that lies in every moment of the day. To take time, be still, and wait, wait for God to call you. To listen, to act, and to serve.

Peace and love be with you all-

Melissa